So yesterday I broke even and felt super tilted at the end of my session, and today I lost money but feel fine. Makes sense, right?

Yesterday I didn’t want to play poker at all but I forced myself. Today I actually didn’t mind sitting down for my session, and I guess that was the difference. I felt annoyed today when I was losing at some points, but the tilt didn’t ever really build up.

Day off tomorrow and then 4 hours on Friday. Then I’ll have reached my goal for the week 😀

I’m having a dumb week. I don’t really want to play poker, but I made a bet and a goal that I would play 17 hours this week, so I’ve been trying to force myself. I don’t know if this is something I should do, but it seems like I NEVER want to play, so I gotta force myself some time.

I have been losing this month, and I think how I handle it on a daily basis depends on my overall mood that day. Yesterday I think I was in a good frame of mind and I actually wanted to play poker, so I didn’t care that I lost. Today I didn’t want to play and was in a much worse frame of mind, so I got much more annoyed when I didn’t win.

I guess there is merit to actually wanting to play poker before playing. I don’t really think I can listen to myself when I feel this way, though, until I develop better habits of actually playing on a regular basis every week. So in the meantime, I sadly think I have to just keep forcing myself to play.

Today was tilting. Ran bad and then HEM mocked me by saying I ran over EV.

I probably didn’t play my best today. I think I might have punted a couple stacks, but it wasn’t anything too terrible. I don’t think I felt emotionally perfect during my session today, but I can’t pin point any particular reason why.

I ran a bunch under EV today and ended up having a losing today, but I think it all went really well because I barely felt tilted at all. I don’t check my results until the very end of the day because checking results usually tilts me. Since I wasn’t tilted at all today, I just assumed that I was probably up a bit in the end. When I checked and saw I was down a decent amount, I was surprised.

So far I’ve played almost 13 hours this week, which is good. I plan on playing 3-4 hours on Friday to round out my week at 16 or 17 hours. Next week I’m gonna make a goal to play 20.

No tilt today, mostly because I ran hot again. Typical.

I talked briefly about my motivational problems in an earlier entry. Ever since I quit 6-max, I’ve slowly but surely played less and less hours of poker. It got really bad and stayed that way for a couple months. I barely played all summer.

I’m trying to fix it now, though. I guess I didn’t realize how important it was to make goals for my motivation. To get myself back in the game, I made a goal to play 15 hours this week. It sounds like a low number, but it’s a lot more per week than I was doing the last couple months.

I played four hours today. I noticed that I was getting lazier and not playing as well during the last half hour I played. I suppose I’m not used to playing this much HU in a day and I was getting tired. Hopefully this improves as the week goes on.

Today was not fun. I wasn’t up money at any point today, and I ran pretty badly. I felt annoyed and mildly tilted pretty much every hour I played today, which is slightly disappointing.

I’m not sure what to do about feeling mildly tilted all day. I didn’t get really upset over one particular thing or another. I guess it was just “I hate losing” tilt. And “wtf why can’t I beat this reg” tilt.

Losing happens pretty regularly when you play HU. I better get used to it fast.

Quick post cuz I gotta go. I pretty much woke up tilted today and felt super unmotivated. I am not sure if I am supposed to not play when I am like this or if I am supposed to just tough it out?

I luckily didn’t feel too tilted while I was playing, though. I ended up making a bit and running over EV.

I’m having motivational problems lately, something I am going to work on this month.

I finally know what it’s like to run bad at HU hypers. I played the same player 18 times and lost 14 of them. I actually didn’t even win one until the 12th try, so that was interesting.

He ran $900 over EV, so I know I just got unlucky. Thinking about how tilted I got, it wasn’t TOO bad. I think I was most tilted after I lost the first five, and then it slowly got better from there mostly because of the absurd ways I was losing.

I’m learning that I get most tilted when I lose and then think I might have played (or did play) badly. Getting 2-outered repeatedly is infinitely easier to deal with than playing terribly. Out of the 10 matches that I lost, I think I made just one big mistake and the rest couldn’t be helped. There is a chance I made several smaller mistakes, but I think I overall played fine.

I don’t like how I felt annoyed after losing the first handful of games, though. This is something I need to work on.

Something else I also have to work on is eliminating the urge to berate people in chat when they play terribly but still win. I swear that I will one day realize that this happens ALL THE TIME in poker, which is why the game is profitable. I rarely act on the urge to berate, but even just feeling the temptation to do so is unacceptable.

Played only a couple hours and 47 games. Lobbies were hard to get today for some reason, which means that I had to play a lot more $60s than I wanted to. I ended up breaking even.

Tilt report: I felt some twinges of annoyance when I lost a bunch of consecutive all-in pots vs one opponent. I got him down to less than a big blind and then, before I knew it, we were back at even stacks. I think I was mostly annoyed because I had expected to win once his stack got so low, and then I felt like something was taken from me when I didn’t win.

To solve this, I think I have to not expect to win despite his stack. In fact, it might even help me to expect to lose sometimes. Next time I’ll try to tell myself “I could still lose” and see if that prevents me from getting annoyed when he doubles a million times.

It was a short session, so there’s not much to report other than that. Back at it tomorrow.

I played 60 SnGs today and lost a few buy-ins. It was strange to play and not win every all-in pot! Since I was in the process of coming back down to reality, it felt like I was losing a lot more than I actually was. Then again, it’s usually my tendency to think I’m losing a lot more than I actually I am.

Aside from mentally exaggerating my losses, I didn’t feel too tilted today.  I think I got the most annoyed when I had to play this one reg multiple times. I declined to rematch him every time we played, so he just hunted my lobbies down and manually sat me. We played 9 times until he finally declined me.

I’m not too sure why he insisted on sitting me since I am sure he could find much easier games. He won a bit off me, but overall he just wasted our time. I just wanted to beat him a bunch of times so that he would leave me alone, but that didn’t happen, so I was annoyed 😛

I know 9 games isn’t that many games, but I could do without playing regs. Hopefully he doesn’t sit me anymore from now on, but we’ll see.