Some vulgar FTP chat for your pleasure:
FabulousTexan (Observer): btw … are you the pitcher or the catcher?
educated idiot (Observer): hahahahalkasj;dfaskldjf
me: i’m whatever you want me to be
me: i need strap on tho
educated idiot (Observer): shippo
FabulousTexan (Observer): just enjoy your rrare cash… maybe u can buy some lube so it wont hurt so muchn when you take it up the poop shoot for a change
I meant to make this post earlier in the week but I was too lazy. I went to the Canucks home opener on Saturday and even though we lost, it was super fun. They always do a nice job of opening the season. My friend got us awesome seats in lower bowl row 10. Our view:
During the opening ceremony, they did some really cool stuff. They had their usual light show, but then they also had screens where they projected images on the ice. I’m bad at explaining it, so here’s a couple iphone photos:
It’s the 40th anniversary for the Canucks, so they brought a bunch of the 1970 team to the arena in celebration. Pat Quinn came out and the cheering he got was absolutely amazing. It sent shivers down my spine. The standing ovation and cheering for him was so incredible, I wish I could go back and experience it again.
Other highlights: Kopitar getting hit on our end of the ice and watching the trainer pick up a bunch of lost teeth off the ice; finally seeing the C on a jersey for the first time in two years; the loudest cheering I’ve ever heard for a penalty kill (after the Canucks killed a 4 on 3 in overtime). It’s a shame that Luongo can’t save anything and the forwards can’t score anything in shoot outs. Once we failed to score in OT, it was pretty much a lock for the Kings.
In other news, poker is still going horribly. Down a bunch for the month after a few days of playing. Down almost 250 buy-ins since the start of August including RB and bonuses. I’m still losing key all-in hands when deep, whether I’m flipping or massively ahead. It’s interesting to note that my ITM % is almost 20% over the last few months. I just can’t win anything once I get deep. It’s so sick. I really hope it turns around. I don’t think I can keep going if I lose another 200 buy-ins.
I took Saturday through Tuesday off and finally played again today. It was a gorgeous day out and Dave and I didn’t want to miss it, so we didn’t start at 11 am like planned. Instead we went to Metrotown and shopped a bit, and then we had sushi for lunch. Because of this, Dave made a turbo schedule so that we could play 4-8 and it actually wasn’t so bad. I 5 to 7 tabled for the most part and played 19 donkaments in total.
I’m playing Thursday through Sunday. Hopefully things go better…
Yesterday night I finally made a final table. It was in the $55 500 cap, though, which is obviously a small field. I got 2-outered and busted in 4th place, but it was nice to have a plus day near the start of the month.
I’ve been playing PokerStars Big Game satellites. Yeah yeah what a waste of time, right? I think I have a good chance of getting on the show if I can just win the right to make an audition video for them, though. I won a Round 2 satellite yesterday, so today I played Round 3. I needed to place in the top 20% so I was pretty optimistic about my chances. Unfortunately KK<AA in the first hour. I’ve accumulated two more Round 2 satellites, so I guess I’ll try again next week.
The rest of my Sunday was pretty standard for Sunday. In the $42k $26 FO on FTP I 3bet jammed 30bb over a LP raise and call with KQ and here is the chat that followed after getting called by 77:
THE UTE: i like your move
THE UTE: and your hand
THE UTE: gl today
I’ve been spending the entire day trying to decide why he said that. I know he’s an amazing player, so maybe he thought my push was horrible and he decided to reinforce that I thought it was good? Definitely cynical but I have no reason to believe anything else.
I pretty much broke even today which is mostly because I cashed the Sunday Million and the $22 1R1A. Not bad considering it’s Sunday. I’ll probably take the next 3 days off and then play Thurs-Sunday again this week.
I took 3 days off which was great for me. I felt a lot better about everything before I played today.
I actually had a plus day, although it was in the two figures again 😛 Whatever, I’m not complaining. Anything to start moving in the right direction. Dave and I actually both went deep in the $55 500 cap but I busted in 18th and our dream of making a final table together was destroyed. He took 5th and capped off a beastly month.
I pretty much played more online poker than I ever have this past month. According to OPR I played 281 MTTs between PokerStars and Full Tilt which is not bad considering I have a part time job. Hopefully I get better at multitabling in the next couple months and I can increase the total.
I really feel like I’ve improved a lot since the start of September. It’s strange that I can say this after losing over $4.5k in one month of tournaments, but at least I don’t have doubts. There’s nothing worse than losing a ton and not knowing whether it’s because of horrible play or horrible luck. In my case I know I’ve run really bad, especially deep.
Obviously there’s a lot I can improve on. I’m still missing a couple shoves preflop when my stack is <15bb. I also sometimes don’t know what to do when my stack is between 15bb and 25bb. I need to have a bit more discipline and fold rivers to min raises when I know I’m never ahead. Another thing that I might want to improve is value betting thin on the river. Today I found that I was checking behind sometimes when I probably should have been bet/folding.
So yeah, all in all September was terrible but I know I improved as a player. So in October I hope to improve more and hopefully run better.
I really can’t wait until the new PokerStars tournament schedule comes out. A lot of the time I want to start playing between 1 and 3 (PST) in the afternoon but the schedule between these times is HORRIBLE. There’s just nothing to play. I really hope they fix this. I’m looking forward to seeing what they come up with.
One last thing I’ll say is that I discovered that $82 Steps are an amazing way to satellite into the Sunday Million. They’re Step 3 on the ladder, I think? Very soft. I think I’ll start playing the Sunday Million every week this way.
Here’s to an amazing October!
We got a Vitamix blender the other day and I’M IN LOVE WITH IT. The main reason I wanted it was because we don’t get enough fruits and vegetables in our diets. Fruit smoothies are pretty much the easiest way to consume a bunch of fruit fast, so it seemed to make sense. I’ve tried to buy cheaper blenders in the past, but they’ve all been so bad. I’ve probably wasted a couple hundred dollars buying cheap blenders in the last few years, so may as well just put an end to it and spend $500 for something really good.
This morning I made two smoothies for breakfast and ended up consuming 2 cups of strawberries, half a banana, half a cup of grapes, and 60 grams of yogurt. I could normally never eat that much fruit in one sitting. And this blender is AMAZING. It blends everything together so smoothly, I AM IN LOVE.
I’m gonna try to make a soup next. I think Dave is making a tomato sauce in it tonight.
lol I blogged about a blender. How sad. I just wanted to write about something other than poker fail and that’s all I could think of.
Nothing’s changed since I last wrote. I just busted 31st in the $11 1R1A by losing AIPF with AKs to another AKs. I feel like that hand is a microcosm of how poker has gone for me the last two months, or maybe even this entire year. It’s just been so bad.
I feel like I must be crazy to keep going. I’ve lost almost 200 avg buy-ins since the start of August. Any sane person would have stopped by now. How can you want to keep playing when you just lose and lose and lose?
ZOMG I HAD A WINNING DAY!
Today I played 15 donkaments and ended up +$10.45. Yup first winning day (when playing >2 tournaments)Â since the start of August.
I came 12th in a super turbo on Full Tilt which is the main reason I’m not down a bunch. Pretty disappointed I didn’t final table that. Then I was 150th or something in the MiniFTOPS super turbo. Haha turbos.
Overall I hate MiniFTOPS, I hope it dies. The best I’ve done so far is 93rd in the $22 6 max yesterday, which is the only one I’ve cashed so far.
I feel like my entire life is poker donkaments right now. I feel like I don’t deserve to do anything else in life until I’m not down an absurd amount anymore. Like I should be at home everyday playing until I mother f-ing win something.
On that note, it’s time to leave the house for the first time in a couple days…
P.S. Cactus cut dip
60 oz of BAKERS SOUR CREAM
24 oz of garlic Caesar dressing
3 oz of green onions
3 oz of Parmesan cheese
1 spoonful of chili peppers
I am officially down over 100 of my average buy-ins playing online since the start of August. It’s crazy to me because it’s only over like 16 days of playing, so it all happened really fast if I think about it.
So I learned first hand that a 100 buy-in bankoll rule for playing large field MTTs is too low. WAY too low. I lost that entire bankroll in less than a month of full time playing. I’m playing massively over rolled right now so it’s not an issue for me… but if I ever lost my bankroll and had to start over, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t do it with less than 350 buy-ins. So to play my average buy-in of $30, I would want well over $10k. It seems ridiculous but now that I’ve experienced it, there’s no way I could play with less.
Obviously it’s different if you are willing to move down in stakes. If I were in a bad spot, I could just take the $55s, $11Rs etc. out of my schedule. That would drop my average buy-in A LOT. There’s plenty of $11 to $33 stuff to play on PokerStars and Full Tilt, so it’s really easy to play a bunch of stuff at a ~$20 buy-in. Although with my new rule of 350 buy-ins, I would need $7k for even that, hahah…
I wonder how SnGs play these days. If I had to start over with my bankroll, I would probably grind SnGs until I had over $4k. Once I had over $4k I would play $11 MTTs and go from there.
Umm okay so my new strategy for thinking about my year long downswing is to condense it all as if I were a full time player. So I guess that makes my cash downswing like 3 months max and then my tournaments downswing 1 month. So I’ve only been running bad for 4 months…
FML
Well today I lost a grand total of $30.85, my best full day of tournaments since the start of August. The next step is a positive day…
Today was unbelievably frustrating. While I made a couple mistakes, overall I thought I played great, but I just couldn’t get anywhere close to a final table. I played 16 large field donkaments and ended up with a 43rd, two 39ths, and a 23rd (in the 22 1R1A again, sighh).
Throughout the day I was just AMAZED at some of the calls I was getting when I shoved. Twice I shoved over raises with over 20bb and got called by KTo. I also got called by 89s for 20bb and K4s for 15bb. The fact that these people think that these are good calls is really great, obviously. I just wish my luckbox would realize it should be winning these show downs 😛
I was on the verge of temper tantrum tilt probably 3 times today while playing. It’s frustrating that I can’t control myself more. I feel like it just keeps building up and it’s very annoying that I am letting myself get like this throughout the day.
The only person I usually talk to on any instant messenger while playing is Dave, which is unlucky for him. I vented my frustrations to him throughout the day, and he was nice about offering sympathy while ignoring me at the same time. The fact that I keep freaking out is pretty bad. I think that tomorrow I will make it a goal to not complain about getting unlucky at all to anyone during my session.
I ended up playing 8.5 hours, way longer than I intended today. I had originally planned to do some writing for FTR after my session, but I’m way too tired. Tomorrow I have to start at 12 pm for MiniFTOPS, and I will probably only register for 3 hours because I have a lot of work to catch up on.
Hopefully in the near future I can master my tilt so that months later I can reread this entry and laugh at myself for being such a baby.
I’m in a discouraged mood today. This usually happens when I get up late by accident. I always feel like doing nothing all day when I get up late for some reason. I forgot to set an alarm last night so I woke up at 11 am, and my meh mood caused me to stay in bed until 1 pm.
I’m pretty discouraged regarding poker, not gonna lie. It’s frustrating for me because I understand variance in poker and I don’t want to get discouraged. I want to be able to just get over it when I whiff everything, I want to be fine with being down a bunch of buy-ins because that’s how it is.
It’s just that I feel like I’ve been trying to force myself to “get over it” all year. I did this the entire time I was playing cash, I did it when I pretty much bubbled the final table in the ladies event in February, and I did it the few times I decided to play online tournaments. I just feel like it’s never going to end… and then I hate myself for feeling this way because I know I’m being ridiculous.
At the start of the year I quit my full time job with enough money to pay my bills for a year. I decided to work part time for FTR and play poker. I thought that this year I would try to become better at poker, hopefully win some money, and also hopefully figure out what I want to do with my life along the way.
I probably have become a better poker player (results would not indicate it so it’s kind of hard to tell), but I definitely haven’t won money and I definitely have no idea what I want to do with my life. Obviously my savings are dwindling, so I also feel like I am running out of time. If I don’t start winning money playing poker, I will have to get a full time job, and at this point I am desperate to not do that. It’s been 9 months since I quit my other job and I have to say that I dread working full time for someone. Maybe it’s because I need to find the right job. Maybe it’s because I am somewhat unemployable.
By unemployable I don’t mean that I am a bad employee. In fact, I think I am pretty much as good as it gets when it comes to being an employee because I understand what it’s like to employ someone. I ran a Student Works Painting business for 3 years, and I employed around 20 people over those years. It was a lot of work but it was a great experience. I made $50k profit during my last year doing it… so it didn’t make me rich, but I made more money than most people do when they’re 22 years old.
I’m unemployable because I’ve been my own boss for too long. It’s difficult for me to be somewhere every day when someone else wants me to be there. It’s difficult for me to hear that I can’t have a day off unless I book it 2 months in advance, and even then I still am not guaranteed that day off. I hate having to desperately look forward to long weekends because I want that extra day off so badly. It seems to me that working 9 to 5 for someone else causes people to do one thing: look forward to their days off. Because that’s all I felt when I was working full time the year after I graduated from university.
What I really want is freedom. I have learned that I value freedom more than anything else. When I was younger, I used to think that I valued money more than anything else. I wanted to get the best job possible or I wanted to start a business. I wanted to work like a dog for the next 30 years building up my wealth as much as possible.
There is definitely part of me that still wants the security of a lot of money, a healthy retirement savings, good health benefits, and a sweet pension. But then the other part of me asks myself what the point of having money is if you can’t use it. Who cares if I can afford that vacation to Scotland if I’m not even allowed to book the time off?
I supppose that if I worked according to my original plan, I could enjoy the money when I’m 50/60 years old and be happy when I’m older. But it seems like a waste to not have some awesome memories from my 20s because I was too busy working like a maniac. I always wasted my university summers running that painting business. I can honestly say that I have no good memories of 2006 to 2009 because I was too busy trying to graduate or make money.
My dad whole heartedly disagrees with me. He wants me to get a full time job and start working towards 12 weeks of vacation (apparently my aunt gets that working for a hospital, wow). He told me to give up trying to find a job that I “like” because I won’t find it. He said everyone hates their job, so live with it. He said it’s all about the money.
I just don’t see the point in life if all I’m going to do is get up every day and be miserable. I don’t see the point. I don’t want to wake up on Monday and automatically wish it could be Friday. Why shouldn’t I spend time trying to find something I enjoy?
The fact is that if I were to get a full time job tomorrow, I would be spending the next 40 years of my life doing it until I retire (assuming no career change). Spending the next 40 years doing something I despise just so that I can buy a house and have a “good life” seems ridiculous to me. Working for 40 years doing something I hate so that I can have a good retirement when I’m too old to do a lot of things seems equally ridiculous. I should throw away 40 years so that I can enjoy 10-20 years of being old when it’s all said and done?
I didn’t mean to start ranting. If anyone was going to read this entry before, they definitely won’t now because it’s way too long 😛 I know my dad means well and just wants me to be happy. Money alone won’t make me happy, though.
Today is a day off from poker for me. Tomorrow I’m having lunch with my aforementioned dad and then I’m going to play a late session since MiniFTOPS Event 1 is 6 pm.